i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
