You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
