We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
