As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
