we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
