You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
