For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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