I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
