Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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