I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I bet he comes in French.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
