My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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