I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
