He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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