hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
