Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
