I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
