I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
