I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
