the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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