She is in my trunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
