I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
