I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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