The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the raccoons are back...
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