When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Found the puke drawer
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
