i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
