I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
