I CAN MOONWALK!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
