Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize