i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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