dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
