I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
