3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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