He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
