oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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