There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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