I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
