i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
