i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
