you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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