The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
