This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
