Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
