i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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