I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
