Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
