dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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