i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
