well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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