She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
