STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
