atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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