he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
two words...techno handjob
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
