this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
