Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
