hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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