When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
