I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
