What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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