i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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