can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
