He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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