just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
