is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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