She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Semen is not good for contacts.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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