Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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