you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
