Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
