your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
