I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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