i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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