jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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