he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
