I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
