Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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