If i could tip my vagina, i would.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
