quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
