I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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