She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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