last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize