if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize