The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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