Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
