I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
