I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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