U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
