So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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