dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
