I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
