Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she peed on how many people?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
