I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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